POSTSCRIPT in February 2013

I have been unhappy about the abrupt ending of the project and came up with this idea of finishing off with some Candlemas (Feb 2) which in the old days marked the end of the Christmas season - when the Blessed Mother went for her six-weeks-check-up to the temple where the priests seem to have had medical functions also (remember the leper whose cure had to be 'certified' by him going to 'show himself to the priests)

When I made the experimental luminaria, I had wanted to make a big show of them in the front garden (seeing that the solar lights which I originally wanted to use didn't work, possibly because the winter daylight wasn't enough to charge them!)

But the darkness overtook me, and I didn't do anything.
A few weeks later I remembered Candlemas. I was feeling a good bit better and got down to the task which proved enjoyable after all.

So at long last on last Saturday, I galvanized myself into lighting them.
The high wind blew them out, almost as soon as I put them in place.


In the end, I brought them into the porch, and enjoyed double value when they were reflected in the patio door.






By the time I went to bed, only one was still lighting ... that's what I get for buying 'bargain nightlights'









In the cold light of next morning, only the empties were left, still reflected in the glass.

December Pictures

These images (click the image to enlarge) are evidence to me that I actually did make some moments, even if I didn't let myself fully appreciate them.
Yes, in each case I had to 'command the muscles' to make myself do these things, but in the end, I have to admit that I had some marginal satisfaction for having done them.

I attended a birthday party.

I bought one piece of tinsel and wrapped it around the sculpture in our porch - making it look like a pregnant lady, appropriate for Advent!

I photographed a dawn heron on a roof at the back of our house.

I attended the winter festival 'Unwrapped' at our local art centre. The lantern second from the left is one I made at a workshop back in November.

The festival theme was Oscar Wilde's Selfish Giant, here seen as an enormous puppet.

This shows the Advent Taize service at St Dominic's, our local church. 

Again St Dominic's - this time for the annual Carol Service.










The weeping fig (ficus benjamina) serves as a C-tree - with mural of Picasso's Guernica in the background.

Zillions of Christmas cards received and displayed.
Also wrote our Christmas letter to family and friends - no idea how many emailed and posted.

The finished crib - no white lights left in the shops - maybe next year ....

Close up of the crib - after all, this is what it is all supposed to be about.

I bought and wrapped the presents - not all distributed yet - but the New Year is long ....

Lights in the porch, reflected in the glass.

Researched the 'luminaria' on the internet, and made this trial version.

This is how it looked when first lit. (Have to admit it extinguished itself soon after this image was taken, but I got it lighting again, using a better quality nightlight.

Post-C .... still ....

Reminder - you can click on the images to enlarge them!

In the end, this is how I got through the toughest days - as silent as I could without being rude!

The darkness was intense, but being in a 'star-shaped' hole probably made it marginally easier

I often get relief once the day itself has passed, but not this year.

Nevertheless, the road is long until it twists back on itself for next year!








Yes, I can hear people saying:
You fought a good fight, you didn't fail, you can endorse yourself for effort, not for the outcome.

and the shame and guilt come from accusation - who is accusing you?

But feelings/thoughts are what they are!

In the midst of all this darkness, I make up this 'luminaria'.

Despite heavy winds, and some rain, the little nightlight burned itself out, though quicker than normally.

Maybe I'll do some more tomorrow, to make up for the solar lights that never got to work.

Definitely an improvement!

As you can see in the last posting, the day didn't start well. However, I did have one list, so decided to go an buy something off that list, which I did.

However, I still felt low, so on passing a bargain bookshop, wandered in to see if there was a little something I might buy to cheer myself up.

Bonanza, I found something for almost everyone I needed to buy for.

So, even without buying for myself, I am indeed much 'cheered up'

Even better, as soon as I got home I started wrapping what I had bought, completing the task this morning. Yes, it really is true that when we make and follow through on a decision, it does indeed steady us.

Poor Santy!

On getting an email saying family members are not making Christmas lists this year.
All kinds of sad feelings.
Especially loss of a long established tradition - one that hugely helped with low self-esteem issues about buying something the person didn't like.

A bit dark ...

The spotlight idea in the previous posting reminded me of this saying of my mother's.
Sometimes the mud is so deep that it's hard to lift the head to look up!

See my little ladder - very 'bockety', not to mention how unstable the stack of things is.

Will it last till the end? ...

This image is a bit mixed up - like myself.
I was thinking I was like a big zero, but then I made myself list some of what I have been doing.

But then I asked myself WHY?

 Sometimes it's just a matter of doing something - anything - to make time pass.

Making 'lights' is not such a bad idea, especially using them to carry those important Recovery messages.

But I do admit, it was an 'odd occupation'

Tonight, I feel drained.

Not many days left, so time is limited, which is a great excuse for even lower standards than I already have.

0

Photo problems

Have had pages scanned, but blogger says I've used all my storage. Let's see if it will take smaller versions of the images I scanned. Well, that's good - wonder what the quality will look like online?

This image resulted from an altercation regarding what was going to be done about the star in the crib.

It was a week ago, and here's what it looks like now. Of course, it's not finished yet, but we are getting there - something I couldn't visualize when I was so 'worked up' a week ago.

Making a moment - a quote from a TV ad - but again, my ability to visualize how I could go about this was severely limited.
I knew it would be a good idea to lower my standards to just working on a moment - question was where to start, and in the end, I didn't do anything.

I wasn't much better the next day either and saw myself tossed about in a tiny boat with wind-torn sails.

But note, beneath the storm, the sea isn't nearly so rough!

I really liked the imagery of this quote from a business program on the radio.
So I decided each time I was feeling upset to 'shine the spotlight' on the angels - there are always angels around, not just my own angel, but the angels of all the people who made the things around me, and all the angels who take care of nature.
This was a helpful thought that made me feel a bit safer.