Break for our 50th

This posting should be before the one below called ANXIETY - no idea how they got reversed.

We had a lovely time.
We stayed B& B in Derry, and from there took the bus to Dungiven.
Fr Frank said Mass for us (twice), and gave us a little 'wedding breakfast'

After that we took bus and train via Belfast to Drogheda where we stayed in the Retreat accommodation of Siena Convent.
The few days we spent there were a mixture of friendliness, quiet, rest, and what seemed like a lot of eating out.

On our return we found greeting cards, phone message, emails waiting for us, so it really has been a time to remember.

As for the C word, I refused to let myself either say it or think about it - which is probably not a bad idea - at least for a short break.

Now I need to get back in harness again.

ANXIETY

The break was lovely but the aftermath a challenge (another challenge) to deal with

First survey my FEELINGS, choose ONE, then research it - and look at the tense writing as I do the research, and face the gremlins, instead of running away from them.

 That was yesterday - today I am able to put a positive slant on the process of anxiety - if done positively, this vigilant looking toward the future needs to be about making decisions today so that I will be able to take care of myself tomorrow - in other words, it is about protecting that little flame of PHYSIS, so that the chill winds of reality do not blow it out (the shivering of the flame is average and acceptable - it wouldn't do to be over-protective!

TED TALK I watched Nov 15 2012

Because it is about CREATIVITY, I thought it might be interesting.

What wise words those are - to BEGIN by letting go! In other words stop trying to CONTROL THINGS all the time.

Of course, this links to both RECOVERY which tells me constantly that I cannot ccontrol the outer environment; and to that piece about the SPHERE - that floating free in the sphere of LOVE I can let things just be as they are, instead of trying unsuccessfully to 'manage' them

That CREATIVITY comes from the broken - surely that is a word of hope for me

And LISTENING to the world has huge potential for sparking ideas.

Embracing the CHALLENGE isn't so easy on its own, but if I combine it with the next point about PLAYING AROUND, I don't find the challenge so overwhelming.

And finally there is the idea which is also a challenge - to MAKE BEAUTY out of DEVASTATION.

Interestingly, this is what I took from the TED TALK - I wonder whether people would see the same meanings - sometimes I think I hear what I need to hear, not necessarily the whole message.

THE SPHERE

I was very taken with this quote from a book I was reading

 This is how I 'interpreted what I read.
Imagine there is a SPHERE of light in which I am enclosed, the small Beloved, wrapped in the Big LOVE.
If I make plans that I am determined to make work out, the SPHERE disappears, and I am left to my own devices (literally the 'world I make myself'.
If I make tentative, possible plans, but tell God I'm open to Divine Improvement, then I remain within the SPHERE, and life is full of (mostly delightful, but always beneficial) SURPRISES

 The next two pages are my tentative ideas around tackling specific dark MEMORIES.
We'll see how it works out.

All I have to do is to use the POWER I have!

Begin to touch on those fears

Was it the happing journey to the Garden Centre - a happy stroke for my Child - that  en-COURAGEed me to take the plunge into those dark memories?






Whatever it was, something helped me make that shift

Full of fear - not even willing to admit myself to myself - writing incognito with my LEFT HAND!

And when the flow started, what a torrent it proved to be ... maybe not even finished yet!

PANIC stations!

What is PANIC?

What do the experts say?

Google Search 

• Sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.

Dictionary.reference.com

• a sudden overwhelming fear, 
• with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior,
• often spreads quickly through a group of persons or animals 
• an instance, outbreak, or period of such fear.
• Finance . a sudden widespread fear concerning financial affairs leading to credit contraction and widespread sale of  securities at depressed prices in an effort to acquire cash.
• (of fear, terror, etc.) suddenly destroying the self-control and impelling to some frantic action.
• to affect with panic; terrify and cause to flee or lose self-control.
• to be stricken with panic; 
• become frantic with fear: The herdpanicked and stampeded.

Obviously, this was not a very good day - at least not at the start.
But then within a few hours, the mood changed somewhat ....

Actually, I had been doing some 'WONDER-ING' - I took loads of photos of my fuchsia's - and they are amazingly wonderful to me.

Even near the darkness, they can shine for me.

Deepak Chopra

podcast the john murray show.Tues Oct 30 2012

This is not a writer that I have read, although I do remember that when I worked in Veritas bookshop, his works were very popular.

But when I heard him interviewed on the John Murray Show, I was very impressed by one thing he said.

...not to be VICTIMIZED by our MEMORIES

but to USE our MEMORIES 

for NEW IMAGINATIONS.

I realize that this is exactly what I am doing in the matter of the theme of this project.

So many times, I am aware that there are positive memories in existence, but in my effort to block out unpleasant or painful memories, I am blocking out happy memories as well.

In Chopra's words, I am victimizing myself with these negative memories, and not making the positive memories available for the creation of 'new imaginations'.

Earlier in his talk, he mentioned letting go of unproductive thoughts:

"its just a thought, let it go, make the decision and do it, without trying to figure out how to do it.

Be in the present moment - just becoming aware that you are not in the present moment brings you into the present moment.